Got to be in Love.

I realized you can dedicate a lifetime to changing a person, but when do you realize that the most important person you have to be happy with is yourself. I'm taking that desire to and grow and keeping it within me. I have a strong tendency to try to see the best in others. And when I fail to see the great I strive to imagine that it's there, when the only person I am fooling is myself. I am one tough person to get by but apparently others pass with blinding me effortlessly that I am a hopeful at heart and that I have nothing to worry about, that they will change. It's a cheap word for something that is so difficult to acquire....

It's midnight, that is enough to get me under covers.. Tonight felt different, it felt like the beginning of something much anticipated






anticip
ated for. Im turning time, or atleast age. It's my faux birtrhday. Birth and day, two words I hate saying together. And it's faux as far as i'm concerned because I'm not going to be twenty one all over again, well not according to our numeric system. I'm clenched to my phone and I'm drunk on coke. I'm graciously waiting for the good wishes to pour in, but i'm left with this sentence hanging as my only consolotaion as to why I am still up. I think secretly we all desire to be celebrated and especially on our birthdays. We pass it on avoiding to subject ourselves to that we can live without the attention. Are we all just faking the humility? And do we all come home and stand behind our doors and purr with p
leasure? When I built up my own publicity I am overwhelmed when I am pointed out. I can't handle the buzz, but I do thrive on it.

After many reviews based on the love and hate interpretations of the world wide blog, I thought my overview mattered most and I am taking it for a spin. I am now a blogger, or atleast a beginner. The final push that forced me into blogging was simple. It is sunday morning and I no longer have a desire to have my face attached to a pillow. I am up, drugged on my meds, and willing to talk about it. My love, is commited to the tv set and atleast once a year I think I can allow it. So that leaves me here, dying to use my vocal cords, but ofcourse not a person is in sight. And I cannot continue to bore my dog with my melodrama. Thats whats different today, there isn't any. I cannot speak of my over enjoyment because life has tendencies to pull you down at a rapid force and speed back to reality that things will not remain being joyous, but atleast for now I will gloat even for a little bit. As this is my introduction of me. I can start declaring I am in love, and as my title suggest I don't commit to anything not even the simplest task unless it's love. It's simple and it's helping me make clear decisions. That is priceless to someone who has been tagged indecisive since birth. I feel better already, but I can't help the urge to call my love and interrupt his game. But I won't. I'll wait till he develops the urge to hear from me first.